... afraid ...

Druiel - Can I be honest with you?
Wait. What I mean is: Can I open my heart to you?
What I really want is to verbalize one concern, a feeling that I´ve never felt before… what I meam is: The last thing I need is to be judged, assured or repreended.

Noom - Druiel, darling, did I ever?

Slow tears come down from Druiel´s eyes. Tears of pale redeption, submission even. Looking down to the floor her shoulders seemed to bear the weight of surrender. She said with no hope:

D - I am afraid.

A wall of silence surrounded them. Neither Druiel or Noom dare or even wished, nor to ear a sound, nor to produce one. Their thoughts were equally silent.
Silent cold, that´s all.
Was only after a while that Druiel´s eyes gave same sort of speaking consent and Noom asked:

N – Ok. Afraid of … ?
D – Afraid of … (sights) … Afraid of breaking my heart again.
I´m afraid of pain, that pain that I felt. It´s way too strong, too cutting, dark, consuming. Ohh no, I couldn´t feel that all over again. Ever. You see? Ever.
Noom, don´t say a word. Sshhhh … I know what you´re gonna say.

This time the silence was less deep. And shorter by that matter.

N – I´m not thinking, I´ll not speak, I´m just here for you. Ok? Whatever you need.
D- Nice … ok ... I have read and listen all that craps You-can´t-feel-if you-don´t-live-and-you-don´t-live-without-chances stuff and I understand and agree and all of that but: I Am Just Too Fucking Scared to give the first step. ok? I Am Just Too Fucking Scared and blimey if Am I not allowed to it!

Druiel paused for a few seconds to regain breath. She was much calmer, less strained, less cautelous, more at easy but she still couldn´t engage with Noom´s eyes. She was also afraid off surrender to Noom.

D – You see I do know what to do, and how to do, but it doesn´t mean that I´m fearless. Because I´m not.
N – I understand.
D – Do you?
Leave it. Doesn´t matter. It´s okay.
N – Sure.
D – Thanks.
I mean it. Thank you so much for this. Sometimes its better when you verbalize your thoughts, your feelings. It´s funny how they start to diminuish… but for that matter you do need to find a good listener.